I Thought I Was The Problem – A Story of Self-Blame and Healing

 There was a time I sat with my head buried in my hands, tears silently falling… asking myself:

“Am I really that hard to love?”
“Is it always my fault?”
“Am I the reason people walk away?”

And that’s how this blog begins.
With a girl who always thought she was the problem.
Let’s call her Aira.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Family — Where It All Began

Aira grew up in a house where she was never the loudest, never the smartest, never the center.
She was the one who understood too much, too early.

Whenever something went wrong in the house, someone would say:
“Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
“Stop overreacting.”
“You always create drama.”

So she stayed silent.
She started cleaning up others' mess, fixing moods, keeping peace—thinking maybe, just maybe, they’ll see her effort.
They didn’t.

She wasn’t the problem.
She just didn’t know how to be loud enough to be heard.

🧍‍♀️ Friends — Where Being ‘Too Much’ Began

Aira had friends. Or at least that’s what she called them.

But somehow, they always came to her when they needed a listener, a helper, a secret-keeper.
Never when she needed someone.

When she said no to helping once, they said:
“You’ve changed.”
“Why are you so cold now?”

She began to believe them.
She began to think that being emotionally tired was her fault.

The truth?
She was never too much.
They just wanted her quiet, kind, and available — always.

💔 Love — Where She Broke the Most

Then came love.
The kind that made her feel seen—for a while.
Until he saw her wounds and turned them into weapons.

He’d say things like:

• “Why do you always cry?”

• “You’re too sensitive.”

• “This is why people leave you.”

And Aira believed him.
Again.
That maybe she was too clingy. Too emotional. Too intense.

She adjusted. Shrunk.
Stopped asking for attention.
Smiled when she was hurt.

But the truth?
She was never too needy.
She just loved deeply.

🪞 Until One Day… She Asked Herself

“What if I’m not the problem?”
“What if I’m just always around the wrong people?”

And slowly… everything began to change.

She looked at her younger self and whispered:

“You were never hard to love.
You just kept giving your love to people who didn’t value it.”

🦋 Healing — Still In Progress

Aira didn’t become confident overnight.
She still overthinks.
Still pauses before saying what she truly feels.

But now she’s learning.
To say “No” without guilt.
To take breaks without apologies.
To feel pain without hiding it under a smile.

She is no longer trying to be less to be loved more.

💭 Have You Ever Felt Like Aira?

If yes, this story is yours too.

You are not the problem.
You just tried too hard for people who never tried for you.
You loved people who only loved the parts of you that made them comfortable.

Now, love yourself — even the messy parts.
Especially the messy parts.

❓ Ask Yourself:

• When did I first start blaming myself for others’ behavior?

• Who made me feel like I was unlovable when I was just human?

• Am I still shrinking to be accepted?